BREAKUP / DIVORCE / HEARTACHE
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Hypnotherapy can help end sadness and ease heartache…
Is your heart broken and aching?
Are you going through a break up, separation or a divorce?
Are you waiting for that phone call, text message, e-mail or the door bell?
Can you not get to sleep because you are thinking about that special person?
You deserve live heartache free and stress free, because you are special, because you are important, and because you are worth it!
Life is too short… It doesn’t have to be sad …
It’s never easy when a marriage or significant relationship ends. Whatever the reason for the split and whether you wanted it or not, the breakup of a relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings.
Whether the relationship lasted three weeks or three years, breakups can leave us feeling heartbroken, lost and even physically ill. While there’s no magic formula to do away with the pain of a split, having healthy coping mechanisms in place is essential to getting over your ex and moving on with strength and grace.
Why do breakups hurt so much, even when the relationship is no longer good?
A divorce or breakup is painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and commitments. Romantic relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hope for the future. When these relationships fail, we experience profound disappointment, stress, and grief.
The breakup or divorce involves multiple losses:
Loss of support, be it financial, intellectual, social, or emotional
Loss of companionship and shared experiences
Loss of hopes, plans, and dreams
Everything is disrupted:
Your routine and responsibilities
Your relationships with extended family and friends
A breakup brings uncertainty about the future:
What will life be like without your partner?
Will you find someone else?
Will you end up alone?
These unknowns often seem worse than an unhappy relationship
Recovering from a breakup or divorce is difficult and allowing yourself to feel the pain of these losses may be scary. You may fear that your emotions will be too intense to bear, or that you’ll be stuck in a dark place forever. However, it’s important to know (and to keep reminding yourself) that you can and will move on. But healing takes time, so be patient with yourself. Just remember that grieving is essential to the healing process. The pain of grief is precisely what helps you let go of the old relationship and move on. And no matter how strong your grief, it won’t last forever.
Coping with separation and divorce
It’s normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated, and confused and these feelings can be intense. You also may feel anxious about the future. Accept that reactions like these will lessen over time. Even if the marriage was unhealthy, venturing into the unknown is frightening.
Give yourself a break
Give yourself permission to feel and to function at a less than optimal level for a period of time. You may not be able to be quite as productive on the job or care for others in exactly the way you’re accustomed to for a little while. No one is superman or superwoman; take time to heal, regroup, and re-energize.
Don’t go through this alone
Sharing your feelings with friends and family can help you get through this period. Consider joining a support group where you can talk to others in similar situations. Isolating yourself can raise your stress levels, reduce your concentration, and get in the way of your work, relationships, and overall health.
Don’t be afraid to get outside help if you need it
Cultivate new friendships. If you feel like you have lost your social network along with the divorce or breakup, make an effort to meet new people. Join a networking group or special interest club, take a class, get involved in community activities, or volunteer at a school, place of worship, or other community organization.
Explore new interests
A divorce or breakup is a beginning as well as an end. Take the opportunity to explore new interests and activities. Pursuing fun, new activities gives you a chance to enjoy life in the here-and-now, rather than dwelling on the past.
Do things you love
After a bad breakup, it’s hard to get excited about the things you loved pre-split but the only way to start enjoying yourself again is to force yourself to get out and do them anyway.
Treat yourself to something that make you feel good, whether it’s a cup of coffee with a friend or a massage. Self-care is essential to the healing process, and doing things that make you smile can help you heal.
Get active (but don’t over-exercise)
Getting your endorphins pumping through cardio exercise is often prescribed as a way to get over a breakup, and for good reason: in addition to providing a healthy distraction from your worries, going for a run or hitting the elliptical can lower your stress levels, improve cognitive functioning and boost your mood. But be wary of over-exercising: Like over-eating or excessively dieting, exercise can become a compulsive behavior. Get active in a way that you enjoy and that doesn’t feel like a punishment, whether its early-morning jogs in the park, zumba or hot yoga, all the better when accompanied by friends.
Laughing has been shown to boost mood and improve overall health. Laughter helps us speed up healing, both emotionally and physically.
Avoid using alcohol, drugs, or food to cope
When you’re in the middle of a breakup, you may be tempted to do anything to relieve your feelings of pain and loneliness. But using alcohol, drugs, or food as an escape is unhealthy and destructive in the long run. It’s essential to find healthier ways of coping with painful feelings.
When you’re going through the stress of a divorce or breakup, healthy habits easily fall by the wayside. You might find yourself not eating at all or overeating your favorite junk foods.
Remind yourself of the negative things
The “turn-offs” of that person will help you get over them faster. For example: his/her hair always had a funny smell to it, he/she never brushed his teeth, he/she never bought anything for my birthday, he/she had the ugliest smile I’ve ever seen, he/she had the most annoying laugh, he/she wasn’t that attractive etc.
Keep your space
Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, break away completely from each other right after the breakup. This means not seeing each other, not being around his/her family members, no phone calls, no e-mails, no text messages, no Facebook, and no IM until you feel that you can converse with him/her on a purely platonic level, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive).
If he/she tries to convince you to see him/her, ask yourself honestly what the point would be.
If you’re reliving the past by seeing him/her, it’s not hard to get caught up in the moment and it will be harder to let go again. You may have to have some contact in order to deal with the practical aspects of things like moving out, signing papers, etc., but try to limit this to what’s absolutely necessary, and then keep such calls/meetings short and civil.
Remove memory triggers
There are all kinds of things that remind you of your ex, a song, a smell, a sound, a place. Once the grieving period has had some time to process, don’t dwell on painful feelings or memories. There are probably things that are pushing your buttons without your conscious recognition.
Walk around each room in your house with a box and remove things that make your heart ache or your stomach turn. Really focus and look carefully. It can work wonders to clear your space of all these triggers.
If you have a keepsake, such as a watch or piece of jewelry that was given to you by your ex, and it’s a reminder of the good aspects of your relationship, there’s nothing wrong with keeping such a thing, but for the time being, try putting it away for later, when you’ve given yourself some time and space. Put these reminders far away from you, such as in a box in a place you’ll never go. Out of sight, out of mind!
Write a letter to your ex, but do not send it
Sometimes it just helps to get all of your feelings out. However, sending it is not a good idea. This letter is just for you, so write out everything you wish you could have said and be done with it.
It doesn’t do any good to rehash the breakup over and over again, so just pretend you are telling them how you feel for the last time. Tell them how they hurt you. It doesn’t hurt to look back on the relationship and analyze how you changed for the better because of it! Tell them that too. This can help you let go of them.
Make a list of reminders
One of the best tricks to help you stick to your resolve is to make a list of all the reasons your ex was not the one for you.
Be ruthless and clear. This is not the time to be forgiving.
What you’re doing is creating a picture for yourself that will call up an emotional response when you feel tempted to think that “maybe if you just did this or that, it would work out.
Write down what happened and how it made you feel, being clear about the things you never want to feel again.
When you find yourself missing your ex in a weak moment, and think you might actually be getting too close to the telephone, get out this list, read it over a couple times, and then talk to yourself, “This is the truth of what it was like. Why would I want to go back and torture myself again?”
If you’re caught in a low-self-esteem trap, thinking you don’t deserve better, imagine this happening to a friend of yours, and think what you would say to your friend: “Get as far away as you can! That relationship was no good for you!”
Write all your feelings down
First of all, you must be absolutely honest when you are writing. Think back to when your relationship with this person began, and document it from beginning to end. This may be very painful, but it will give you a broader perspective.
One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring it all out onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to understand valuable life lessons from the whole experience.
When you get to the final chapter, finish off on a positive note and write “The End.” If you’re writing in a notebook, close it forcefully, take a deep breath, and put it on a bookshelf. You may choose to keep the story, or you may choose to shred it or burn it. Documenting your relationship and closing the book will help you find closure emotionally.
Have a symbolic ceremony
People still hold funerals for the deceased whose bodies were never found, and you can still have a formal way to say goodbye to relationships that were never resolved.
Gather all of the things that remind you of this person and burn them, or donate them to charity. Give a eulogy to the relationship, and say it out loud.
Keep your dignity
Many times, it’s our own ego that causes the pain; we feel rejected and deceived, embarrassed. We doubt our self worth and adequacy. A breakup, especially one in which your partner has cheated on you, can really undermine your self-confidence and shake your self-esteem to the core.
Help rebuild your inner stability by impressing yourself with accomplishment, volunteer, take a class, do things that remind you of your value as a person.
Learn important lessons from a divorce or breakup
In times of emotional crisis, there is an opportunity to grow and learn. Just because you are feeling emptiness in your life right now, doesn’t mean that nothing is happening or that things will never change. Consider this period a time-out, a time for sowing the seeds for new growth. You can emerge from this experience knowing yourself better and feeling stronger.
In order to fully accept a breakup and move on, you need to understand what happened and acknowledging the part you played. It’s important to understand how the choices you made affected the relationship. Learning from your mistakes is the key to not repeating them.
Some questions to ask yourself:
Step back and look at the big picture.
How did you contribute to the problems of the relationship?
Do you tend to repeat the same mistakes or choose the wrong person in relationship after relationship?
Think about how you react to stress and deal with conflict and insecurities.
Could you act in a more constructive way?
Consider whether or not you accept other people the way they are, not the way they could or ‘should’ be.
Examine your negative feelings as a starting point for change. Are you in control of your feelings, or are they in control of you?
You’ll need to be honest with yourself during this part of the healing process. Try not to dwell on who is to blame or beat yourself up over your mistakes. As you look back on the relationship, you have an opportunity to learn more about yourself, how you relate to others, and the problems you need to work on. If you are able to objectively examine your own choices and behavior, including the reasons why you chose your former partner, you’ll be able to see where you went wrong and make better choices next time.
Hypnotherapy can heal your heartache faster!
Heartbreak can be caused by many different circumstances and that’s what makes this emotion easily recognized by nearly every person on the planet. It can result from the loss of a loved one, a partner, a friend and even a close pet. Or it can be caused from disappointment, betrayal or a change from known surroundings. It might not even be a loss at all but a sense of loss, or the realization that the love of the person you care most for is drifting far from where it had always been.
The depression caused by heartbreak creates a barrier that can prevent us from feeling and experiencing life to the fullest, in all aspects. You feel completely empty inside. There’s an ache, a deep ache that erupts from the inside of our bodies longing for the past. The pain is real and there’s no other way to describe how bad it really hurts than to name it heartbreak. It’s a longing for the past and the pain of feeling completely empty and abandoned. It makes it hard to get up in the morning and to get through the day, but all wounds are inevitably healed through time, and thus you hope for the future to approach quicker.
Breakups are painful. It can feel like the pain resides in our heads, our hearts and in our bones. Sometimes it’s a faint ache, like a sore muscle. Other times, it’s a full-on throbbing, a raw wound. We feel sad, lost, empty, alone, and angry. We might withdraw from friends and family and have a hard time doing our work, and our self esteem might suffer. We might also show other signs of depression such as loss of interest in activities, loss of appetite, feelings of hopelessness, loss of appetite, insomnia, headaches, stomach aches, nausea, a ton of tears, occasional nightmares, panic attacks, fatigue, loneliness, hopelessness, alcohol/substance abuse and multiple sexual partners.
Time helps to heal heartbreak, but there are many things you can do to feel better now:
Seek support from loved ones. Reach out to people in your life who love you, care about you, and want the best for you. Talk to them about your feelings and how the loss has affected you.
Get active. When you’re feeling depressed, it’s especially important to move and trigger those feel-good endorphins. But this doesn’t have to be a long run or a tough workout. Even if you can only walk down to the corner store, around the block, or just to the mailbox, that is still something. Do what you can, and try to incorporate more activity every day or week.
Avoid unhealthy behaviors. Avoid diving into a new relationship or engaging in casual sex. Casual sexual relationships immediately after a breakup can cause a person to become overly attached to someone that they wouldn’t otherwise be interested in.
Avoid withdrawing from others, clinging to your ex or the hope that you’ll get back together and continually beating yourself up. Instead, give yourself time to heal, savor your alone time and reconnect with both yourself and your loved ones.
How to mend a broken heart
The best thing for a broken heart is to be patient and allow time to settle all unresolved feelings. Talking about your feelings with friends or family help to smooth the passage of the loss, as will allowing yourself time to reflect on all feelings and answer questions you may have for yourself.
Keeping busy with hobbies you’re passionate about and trying new things also keeps your mind busy during hard times.
Get a group of friends together and watch a movie, or if you’re more to yourself, try a quiet walk through a forest or even around the neighborhood.
Give yourself time, and do things that make you happy. You are your own best friend and it’s important that you accept who you are and like who you are as a person before you expect anyone else to.
Always remember that it will get better, you will heal, you will meet someone new, and you will enjoy life and love again.
Hypnotherapy can speed up the healing process and ease your pain!
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